New Moon Tuesdays [Respect Your Local Twilighters]

The official countdown is:

*falls out of chair*

*whispers reverently*
We are in November.
*stunned*

The homestretch.
*amazed*

Mere weeks a way...
*dazzled*

Um... What was I saying?
*shakes head violently*

Wellllllll.... Today's post is one I've had in mind for months now. It's something I feel very strongly about. I'm not sure how this will be received, yet I feel someone needs to say something and it would appear that someone is me. *takes a deep breath for courage* You might want to sit down for this one. I'll wait... Are you comfortable? Oh good. Soooooooo.... Let me ask you a few questions:

How many hours of your life are dedicated to Twilight?

*nods head in understanding*

So would you say you are fervently, maybe even hopelessly devoted?

mhmmmmm... interesting

I'm assuming you love Twilight very much then?

*listens intently*

I seeeee...

And you love Edward Cullen a lot, right?

*throws up hands defensively*

Oh no! I never doubted your love for him!

It's just as I expected!

*ponders*

 Do you have time for one more?

*waits patiently*

Oh you do?!

Thank you.

*sits up straighter in chair looking at you intently*

Who would you say is the biggest, most devoted Twilight fan you know?

*waits with bated breath*

You, huh?
You think of yourself as the biggest Twi-fan?
Hmmm... That's very interesting because...

Welllll, you see *blushes* in my mind it's me.

And there-in-lies our dilemma...

*crickets*

Can I now share a story with you?
I'll make it short and sweet, I promise you!
*sticks out pink*

Once upon a time there was a young *snorts*, innocent *snickers*, cute *rolls eyes* Twilighter. She had been awaiting the opening night of Twilight the movie for months. She had read all the books countless times, already started to read fanfic, lurked on countless fan-sites and blogs, and scoured the internet for every spoiler she could find. As she sat with bated breath for the movie to start she felt as if her heart might explode. Her hands became clammy, her mouth went dry and she swore she heard angels singing until:

"God I hate her voice already."

No my friends, that was not this sweetly, innocent Twilighter's voice nor that of God's talking to her, but the unknown stranger seated to her left. Now I know what you are thinking, "Oh I hope for cutie's sake that girl stop talking."  Oh no, no, NO. You see I was lucky enough to be serenaded by this lovely little bitch Twilighter's rendition of Full Moon by The Black Ghosts. Yes, the WHOLE song. Every single fu... freaking word. *grits teeth* Did it stop there? Nope! I got a play by play from her big ass mouth for the next two hours.

But this wasn't how the book was!

[Scene Charlie buys Bella new tires for the Beast.]

This is so freaking stupid!

[Randomly said throughout the movie.]

God he's so beautiful, but that lipstick is horrible.

[Edward Cullen walks into the lunch room.]

She's retarded.

[Any moment Ms. Stewart was on screen.]

Alice is just like I saw her in the book.

[Cullen's house.]

SHUT UP ALREADY! Gawd! I'm trying to watch the movie.

[When her friend tried to comment about the baseball scene.]

"I was a quick wet boy..."

[Yes she ruined kissy prom for me by singing the whole freaking song!!!!!]

Needless to say, I walked out of the theater fuming. Both at myself for my spoiler whore ways and the whore-ish douche girl sitting next to me. I was so pissed I came home ranting at Mr. Cutie, who pushed me out the door the very next night to see another showing. Was it effery free you ask? Nope! For three girls (all dressed in Twi-gear) decided to drag their Twilight hating boyfriends to the movie and they mocked it the whole time! I'd give you a rundown of the effery involved with the next four times I went, but I said this would be a quick tale. Now I know what you are asking yourself!

What in the Sam Hell is cutie going on about?!

Respect, my friends.

Respect.

*cue Aretha Franklin singing Respect*

Let's be frank, put all our cards out on the table. Every single one of us feels entitled to being there opening night for New Moon. In our minds, we are the reason the damn movie was made. In a perfect world, we'd be sitting alone with Mr. P by our sides (I refuse to involve the "others" in my damn fantasy) and he'd hold our hands and give us a shoulder to cry on. Because in my mind, I am the ultimate Twilight fan. BUT that's not completely true is it? We are all equal. A community. And if not for this community of people, New Moon would not be. We all hold a share in this movie, having helped to financially support it and promote the hype. We make millions for anyone willing to slap the name Twilight on something. We all deserve an effery free opening night. And so I beg of thee Respect Your Local Twilighters by:

1. Duct taping your mouth shut if you have to, but keep the chatting down to a minimum. I think my sad tale is enough of an explanation, but I will repeat this: DO NOT SING ALONG WITH THE SONGS! There is no bouncing ball; this is not Mickey's Sing A Long Songs.

2. Don't bring your house with you to the movie. There nothing worse than people taking two seats, one for the Twi-Junk they just had to bring and the other for themselves. I even saw someone with two extra seats full of stuff. Less is more for everyone involved.

3. Don't drag haters... hell don't drag anyone to the movie who doesn't love Twilight. Man up and go alone. I did twice, it can be done! I'll be honest, it was the best way to view the movie and I will be viewing it alone this time for sure.

4.Show some grace. For all you youngin' please realize that there are those of us who aren't a spry as we use to be. So pleasey cheesey, show some grace and keep the screaming, screeching and other nonsense down. HOWEVER, for all you older Twilighters (like myself *winks*) show some grace! Don't fool yourself, if you had the energy you'd be going atomic fan girl yourself. Take a flask with you, easy back and relax. 
5. Fuck it. Let's just have some fun. Don't stress, don't be rude and don't feel entitled to anything but sharing in the wonderment of New Moon together with your fellow Twilighters! I don't know about you, but I'm so freaking verklempt excited about this movie I get all choked up and shaky just thinking about it.

Let me 'splain. *pause* No, there is too much. Let me sum up.
In conclusion: Spread the word, my friends!!! Tell every Twilighter you know that you support an effery free New Moon experience for ALL Twilighter!! I am starting a campaign if you will!  A movement!!! Grab the following "banner" and put it on your side bar:

Or make your own! Whatever. But get the word out. To further the spreading of this movement, KG from I Heart came up with a brilliant idea, a way that we could all remember to keep our effery at bay. Soooooo..... She helped me make these lovely buttons at Cafe Press. *blushes* You can find my lame store here. Honestly, we did this for fun in a fan-girl moment. No purchases necessary!

Note to readers: Yeah...some of these got a tad bitter,

but I think you will understand. *chuckles*

Prospective buttons:

 

Print up the "rules" and hand out a few of your own homemade buttons. Do what you must, but let's all try our hardest as a community to give everyone the best New Moon opening night experience possible.

Until next time when it will be less then ten days until opening night!!!

Bloody Hell it's November!!!